I am so lonely. Some crazed woman was here yesterday to clean out my closet, if not my act, and she left here toting 6 large shopping bags headed for Goodwill. She got in there and dragged things out I didn’t know I had, made all kinds of piles, had me try on things to decide which pile they went in to: a whirling dervish on a mission. My closet is neater than...

I don’t want to multi task. I don’t even want to task. I’m a girl, so I just wanna have fun. Take doctors. Please. (Sorry about that.) Sometimes, I just want them to tell me what to do. I may not do it. In fact, I probably won’t. But I want an opinion, not a bunch of options, which will necessitate yet another task in my life: doing the...

Why are all the shows I love on TV on vacation? I’m not. Why should they be? Take Bored to Death. It took me two or three episodes to get hooked on the improbably loveable characters and to find myself humming the theme song even though I don’t quite get the words  — and then, just like that, the season was over. Sure, I can watch it on HBO On...

For some weird reason, dogs love me. On Christmas, a white bundle of fluff named Bella was all over me (in front of the children!) and before that, a boxer weighing slightly less than I do jumped into my lap, then followed me around, wagging and whimpering. The dog, not me. Go figure: I’m not even a dog person. But I am a writer and I like to think up names....

Sometimes I think that New Year’s Eve should be abolished. You know all the reasons to hate that night so let’s not dwell on it: too many expectations, too many drunks, too much money! The thing is, no matter what you do, you wonder if you should have done something else. If you go all out and attend a fancy do, you think you should have just stayed home...

It’s Christmas Eve and we need a heartwarming story. Although I write a humor blog these days and live in New York City, I once was an elementary school teacher in a rural area. This is one of my best memories from those days. It’s not funny or irreverent, as these posts tend to be, but maybe it helps explain why I’m Not Bitter . . Sometimes you...

I know you’re out there, Willard, I can hear you blowing out candles. Willard Scott is the guy on The Today Show who’s become a minor celebrity by showcasing people who are celebrating their 100-year birthdays. And believe it or not, there are 100,000 folks in the US alone who have reached that ripe old age. But personally, I don’t think that this...

It’s December 7 as I post this, but I can safely say that whenever you read it, I’m still not ready. Wasn’t it just summer when I was worrying about buying a bathing suit? Wasn’t it just Halloween and I was passing out packets of hyperactivity-producing goodies to cute little gremlins who seemed shocked when asked whether they wanted a trick...