Earth To Willard Scott

I know you’re out there, Willard, I can hear you blowing out candles.

Willard Scott is the guy on The Today Show who’s become a minor celebrity by showcasing people who are celebrating their 100-year birthdays.

And believe it or not, there are 100,000 folks in the US alone who have reached that ripe old age. But personally, I don’t think that this number will grow. In fact, I predict it will decline. The people who are now turning 100 didn’t have the pressures we have these days.

Yeah, sure, they had world wars, flu epidemics, the Great Depression.

But we have telephone trees, multi-tasking (I don’t even want to single task), and the heartbreak of trying to get a simple thing done: Like getting Willard Scott to mention your parents anniversary. FYI he’s now also featuring couples celebrating marriages of 75 years.

Which is how long these two cute people in the photo have been married for. Seventy-five. Years. Really.

For some of us, seven years  — or even five — would be a record. But seventy-five? Isn’t that impressive enough for Willard Scott to get excited about?

Apparently not.

After many. many attempts to get through to a human person, making a total pest of myself, and even trying to impress them with my credentials and those of any relative living or dead who has accomplished absolutely anything at all in the past few centuries, all I managed to get was the assurance that Willard himself sends letters of congratulations to everyone who calls in.

Of course, I didn’t believe them, and when the anniversary date came and went with no letter, I started thinking about going into revenge mode . . .

For starters,  the name “Willard” is often associated with that cult horror film about a weird guy with an affinity for rats. Surely, I could do something with that , and hey, what’s the purpose of having a blog if you can’t get a little nasty.

Fortunately, that wasn’t necessary.

The Units (short for parental units) finally did receive the letter, although it was a week or more after the anniversary. Exactly when they got it will remain a mystery: these parents of mine are, after all, old enough to be married 75 YEARS (no other numbers, please), and they couldn’t remember when the letter had arrived. But my father, being the precise person he has always been, had kept the envelope, which was postmarked October 14. The anniversary  — THE 75TH ANNIVERSARY!  — was on the 7th. Don’t you usually send cards or letters of congratulations before the date, not after?

And I had started the whole procedure of writing to Willard Scott sometime in August, although being the imprecise person I have always been, I don’t remember the exact date. (The copy of the letter is in here someplace. . .)

The point is this: Although I’ve long accepted the fact that Nothing Is Easy (see almost any blog on this site, but particularly The Wedding Bell Blues), some things really ought to be.

If you had ‘rents  —or Units — who had been married for 75 YEARS, wouldn’t you think that Willard Scott, not to mention the entire staff of The Today Show, would have jumped on the story? Even though, yes, they get hundreds of requests and have only a few slots on the air.

I rationalized that the reason they didn’t announce the anniversary —  the 75TH ANNIVERSARY! — was that they were only doing 100-year birthdays that day. But still, my reaction was a resounding Harumph. What do you have to do to get a little attention around here?

Wait a minute. I have an idea. What if we created a reality show! That would create some media buzz, wouldn’t it now. My parent’s names are Joseph and Joesphine: how perfect is that? Plus, they are a little eccentric around the edges, have three adorable children, many grandchildren, a few great grandchildren — all of whom are impossibly photogenic — and they live in this great condo called The Bay Club, where they are the oldest living shareholders.

The Jo & Joe Show! it’s got to be a hit!

And did I mention that they’ve been married for 75 YEARS?

Willard Scott, eat your heart out.