Yeah, right. And all the agents are “busy helping other customers?”  I bet. But hang on! They’ll get back to me “as soon as possible” — which isn’t, I suppose, an outright lie: “possible,” in this sense, means whenever they get good and ready. The worst lie, of course, is: “We’ll be with you...

Even though I didn’t DO Christmas, I GOT Christmas. “Got”— besides appreciating the spirit and joy of the season and all that —in the sense that I received actual gifts, including a trip to the Caribbean and a moose. A moose? Perhaps I should explain. Once upon a time, when the children in my life were little buggers, I gave them these cuddly...

Due to circumstances truly beyond my control, I have started a new tradition for Christmas: I’m not doing it. Not that I won’t enjoy the eggnog, other people’s Christmas cards, trees, wreaths, colored lights — and, especially, partridges in pear trees: Do you have any idea how much those birds will set you back these days, even if you skip the...

Is anything worse than a missed opportunity? Well, yes, there’s brides competing for plastic surgery, but let’s not go there. About six months ago, I planned to do an interview with Elaine Kaufman for Woman around Town, but life, as it so often does, got in the way. The sad thing was that I wanted to thank Elaine for something she did for me many years...

Scene: A large hospital in the metropolitan area.A harried looking woman paces back and forth in front of a busy nurse’s stand, speaking too loudly on a cell phone: “Hello, Uncle Nunzio! I’m so glad you called. Yes, Yes, I know how concerned you are about my mother. She’s doing pretty well at the moment, but things – No, no! I didn’t...

My friends are worried about me. They think I’ve gone over the edge because of the current stress in my life. Well, stress does do strange things to a person. You hit the wrong number on your speed dial and insist on talking to the person you thought you had called (Is this the party to whom I am speaking — or what?), you try to make a call with the remote, or...

I was demoralized, dazed, and confused. The reason was obvious: I had just spent 6 weeks dealing with our so-called health system, with no end in sight. Fortunately, or Fortunato-ly, the solution was also clear: go shopping. Taking advantage of a rare free moment, I took a taxi to Saks. Yes, that’s right, a taxi. Even though there’s a perfectly good bus...

Quick! Tell the truth.Are you Bugs Bunny or Mickey Mouse? Here’s the story:You can choose some things in life— like whether to be a Democrat or a Republican, a religious person or a non believer, a carnivore or a vegetarian. But some things are thrust upon you —you are either short or tall, have blue or brown eyes, are athletic or a klutz, have musical talent or a...