I know it’s Un-American, but . . . I hate shopping.I loathe mallsEven Saks gives me hives if I’m not in the mood. The thing is, I like things. The things you get if you actually Go Shopping. Which I hate. But there’s one kind of shopping. I love: on the beach. In Italy, men in straw heats come around to your beach chair with fancy purses bearing...

Don’t you just hate it when you think you’re being original, and then go online and find about a million references (no exaggeration) to your brilliant idea? That’s the story of “my” heart-shaped meatloaf, which I’ve made for years every Valentine’s Day.  Beats going to dinner on a night when restaurants are booked and...

Super Bowl Sunday: I can’t believe I watched the whole thing — yet  missed so much . . . Yes, folks, I was plunked in front of a flat screen TV for 4 hours, but I only found out what really happened in the game by tuning in to the media on Monday. Even before the kickoff, I was lost. As soon as Christina Aguilera started to sing, I started to whine about...

The Monday Morning Quarterback I can’t believe I watched the whole thing! But apparently I missed most of what everybody’s talking about today. It was Super Bowl Sunday and I  plunked down in front of a flat screen TV for 4 hours, but I only found out what really happened by listening to the media on Monday. Even before the kickoff, I was lost. As...

Yes, you heard that right: the economy is about to improve. How do I know ? Because I just bought a ridiculously expensive pair of boots on line. They are black. I have six pairs of black boots already (although not the six pictured here). I ordered them anyway. Why? Not because I like to shop. I don’t. It’s because it’s that time of year when...

Tear up your TO DO list right now —and replace it with a                    DO-NOT-DO List. No really. It’s important for your mental health. In Get Him To The Greek, Russell Brand says that the great thing about doing drugs is that you only have one thing on your TO...

Yeah, right. And all the agents are “busy helping other customers?”  I bet. But hang on! They’ll get back to me “as soon as possible” — which isn’t, I suppose, an outright lie: “possible,” in this sense, means whenever they get good and ready. The worst lie, of course, is: “We’ll be with you...

Even though I didn’t DO Christmas, I GOT Christmas. “Got”— besides appreciating the spirit and joy of the season and all that —in the sense that I received actual gifts, including a trip to the Caribbean and a moose. A moose? Perhaps I should explain. Once upon a time, when the children in my life were little buggers, I gave them these cuddly...