I need to talk to you about grammar You know, like spelling and apostrophes and stuff. When you send me an email that’s a grammatical disaster, do I get upset? Hell, no. You’re too busy to think about such annoying details. I get it.   But if you were paying for a sign to advertise your business, even if you had sold 99 billion and counting, would you...

You want the short answer?  Or the truth? Perhaps because brevity is the soul of wit, or more likely, because we are conditioned from birth by smiley faces, we usually say: “Fine!” If we’re polite we add, “Thanks, and you?” If we were to be honest . . . well, that’s another matter entirely. Take yesterday morning in the...

Let There Be Light! Seems like everyone I know has a bad case of the blahs this winter, even though here in the East it hasn’t been much of a winter. If you had to give it a grade, it would be a D-. I mean, a few measly flakes of snow, and hardly any days below freezing. You call this a winter in  New York City? Sounds good, actually though, doesn’t...

And why he didn’t get the Oscar for best actor in Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy. Did I really expect him to win?  Hell no.   The Academy lives in an alternate universe of favoritism, whims, grosses, paybacks, politics—everything but actually seeking out the “best” in any category. Did you know that there are online sites solely devoted to the...

Today I had my nails done and looked into the meaning of life. At the same time! This is the miracle of modern technology, specifically the iPhone, which I discovered is much better than old copies of People when my hands are trapped under the nail dryer, a bit of modern technology I have my doubts about. Does it really matter if you use it rather than just wait 15...

Valentine’s Day is tricky. Take my heart-shaped meatloaf (You should only be so lucky). This year, it turned out rather free form, and the tomatoes and parsley could only disguise it so much. And yet. I needed a photo for the blog, having neglected to write anything else for the big day. Well, the photo session with my beloved didn’t go all that well....

It’s Not Nice To Be So Nice You know how you always hear that the man who went beserk and shot his wife and dog was “such a nice guy.” And that the mail sorter who went postal was “always so helpful” and “never got angry.” Well, they’ll never be able to say that about me. Or you, if you’re smart. Let’s face...

  Auntie Pasta is pissed. And you’d be too, if your nickname was Auntie Pasta and you read the piece in Friday’s Times about the “Vigil-Aunties” of Pakistan. These are the “older, bossy and often judgmental women” who go around breaking up couples who are behaving in an “immoral” manner in public places. VIGIL-AUNTIES!...