Aunties Of The World. . . Unite!

Auntie Pasta is pissed.

And you’d be too, if your nickname was Auntie Pasta and you read the piece in Friday’s Times about the “Vigil-Aunties” of Pakistan. These are the “older, bossy and often judgmental women” who go around breaking up couples who are behaving in an “immoral” manner in public places.

VIGIL-AUNTIES!

Harumph!

I am  here to defend the reputation of aunties (both biological and honorary) everywhere, many of whom would not only smile upon couples holding hands on park benches, but indulge in some hand-holding of their own.

Yes, folks, “immoral,” to these Vigil-Aunties means any kind of playful contact between the sexes, even just strolling together under the trees. The young people then have to defend themselves by fleeing (fleeing is always good) or claiming that they’re married.

“Really?” Say the Vigil-Aunties. So where’s the marriage certificate? FYI: I keep a miniature copy of mine in my wallet. Just in case. But the affectionate couples in Pakistan either don’t take this simple precaution, or (Horrors!) are not actually married. Revert to Plan A: Active fleeing.

The Vigil-Aunties seem to have been trained by the detectives of Law & Order in interrogating alleged perps: They “peppered them with questions,” according to the article: “What were they doing? Did their parents know? Were they engaged?”

Well, they were engaged in something. But was it any business of these self-righteous busybodies?  They who defile the truly righteous name of Auntie. I think not.

The public didn’t think so either. After a TV show about Vigil-Aunties tht aired last week in Islamabad, loud protests were heard throughout the land, especially on the Internet. The complaints were aimed mainly at the meddlesome women, but also at the way the show reported the story, and the direction of the television media in general for invading people’s privacy and veering (sharply) towards sensationalism.

Well, I’ll leave the media criticism to the experts, but as an aunt to many, known as Auntie Pasta to all, I felt a sense of deep personal outrage at the whole idea.

Vigil-Aunties! The very thought!

Most aunts, especially those with no children of their own, aspire to be more like Auntie Mame, not Auntie Maim . . .

Auntie Mame Is My Hero

Of course, we can’t all be Rosalind Russell, what with the gazillion dollar townhouse on Sutton place, the Japanese butler, and all those rich, eccentric friends. Not to mention the whirlwind trips to exotic places and a brief but colorful marriage to an exceedingly wealthy Texan who conveniently falls off a mountain leaving her a ton of money, the better to spoil her young nephew with. (Okay, with which to spoil her young nephew. Some of you are so strict about grammar. You know who you are.)

And yes, there were other Auntie Mames, including Angela Lansbury and Lucille Ball (not her best in this part). But Rosalind will always be Mame to me. And if you haven’t seen the movie, ya gotta. That one and Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Two no-bitter pills that are easy to swallow.

Well, I never made it to the Auntie Mame level. Who does? No townhouse. No vast fortune. Not eccentric enough, although Allah knows, I try.

Antipasto Rules

I got the nickname Auntie Pasta from a clever nephew because it was always my job to provide the antipasto for family dinners. I liked the name, and even wanted to use it as an email address. But would you believe it was taken! At least on AOL. And in all it’s variations: Auntie, Aunty, Pasta, Pasto. BTW, Pasto means “meal” in Italian, not “pasta,” which means. . . pasta. Got that? I even tried upper case, lower case, and all permutations thereof. No deal.

Should I want to create another blog, the domain name auntiepasta.com is also taken. No surprise there. So, alas, I can only be Auntie Pasta in the privacy of my own home, and not on the vast world of the Internet.

I wonder if vigil-auntie.com is taken yet. Will be. But not by me, that’s for sure.

See also:
everythingistaken.com
Law & Disorder