Holy Molars!

My Teeth Are Now in Style— And Maybe Yours Are Too!

Every damn thing gets a chance to be the new hot thing, and right now it’s quirky teeth—you heard me, people, quirky teeth. The fashion world and those who care about such things have decreed that all those perfectly capped whiter-than-white teeth are sooo last year. If you don’t believe me, check out the standout series, The White Lotus—and one of its young stars, Aimee Lou Wood.

According to my secret sources at The New York Times (okay, so I get the Sunday edition delivered), Miss Wood— who is cute as hell while channeling Bugs Bunny, in a good way— is having a star turn because “Not everyone finds veneers, braces and high-priced modifications aspirational.”

Although I must confess that I have never actually been inspired by anyone’s teeth, I have long been aware that I possess a rather healthy overbite, something which did inspire one dentist gazing across the room at a swanky restaurant long ago to practically propose marriage, or a drink at the bar, or at least a discount on a cleaning, because he “couldn’t resist an overbite.”

On the other hand, my father, when he was nearing 100 and no longer as “thrifty” (A-hem) as he once was, confessed that he was sorry that he hadn’t sprung for braces for me, as he had for my brother, whose teeth were even more protruding—and crooked. It’s a biting question indeed, but I reassured Dear Old Dad that my teeth had never held me back from acquiring jobs, boyfriends, husbands and all manner of mischief (for the sake of everyone’s health, I didn’t go into details).

My new motto is:
“Give me your tired veneers, your bleaches, your binding braces yearning to be free. . .”

Okay, it’s not really my new motto, but one of the most most beautiful women who ever lived had an overbite—and had  no cosmetic dental work. Gene Tierney! (Star of the movie classic, Laura.)

Although I would never compare myself to that gorgeous female, I do have something in common with both her and Aimee Lou Wood: perfectly imperfect teeth.

So used am I (and so are you) to seeing actors with dazzling teeth that at first I thought Miss Wood was wearing a prosthesis of some sort, and when another character says “I love your teeth,” I thought she was being incredibly sarcastic. But no. She meant it, adding, “You’re from England, right?”

Hmm, I wish I could think of the rock star was who said that when on tour, scarcely aware of what stadium, much less planet, he was on, he knew it was England when he saw the sea of less-than pearly whites smiling up at him. We blamed the Brit’s love for sugar for their bad bites, but were they really that bad— or had we gotten too damned fussy about the state of our canines and incisors here in the good old US of A?

Miss Wood was adorable (and did some fine acting) in The White Lotus, a delightful counter balance to the other actors with “straight, evenly spaced teeth, having been apparently willed into submission by orthodontics or cosmetic modification.” (NYT). She did, however, take umbrage at her portrayal in “The White Potus” sketch on SNL, and honestly, though the bit had more than a little bite to it, it should have gone easier on the actress, who has become something of a heroine to anyone who is less than perfect in any way. Personally, I am rooting for her all the way.

A few times during my checkered career of a life, I considered getting braces, even into my thirties. But hell, they hurt, they are expensive, and they would involve a lot of time in the office of an orthodontist, besotted or not. Besides, they wouldn’t have made me into the woman I am today. Imperfect. Incorrigible. Quirky. And smiling all the way.

This story  also appeared in Woman Around Town  under Opinions: 

https://www.womanaroundtown.com/