Holy Molars!
Apr 24
My Teeth Are Now in Style— And Maybe Yours Are Too!
Every damn thing gets a chance to be the new hot thing, and right now it’s quirky teeth—you heard me, people, quirky teeth. The fashion world and those who care about such things have decreed that all those perfectly capped whiter-than-white teeth are sooo last year. If you don’t believe me, check out the standout series, The White Lotus—and one of its young stars, Aimee Lou Wood.
According to my secret sources at The New York Times (okay, so I get the Sunday edition delivered), Miss Wood— who is cute as hell while channeling Bugs Bunny, in a good way— is having a star turn because “Not everyone finds veneers, braces and high-priced modifications aspirational.”
Although I must confess that I have never actually been inspired by anyone’s teeth, I have long been aware that I possess a rather healthy overbite, something which did inspire one dentist gazing across the room at a swanky restaurant long ago to practically propose marriage, or a drink at the bar, or at least a discount on a cleaning, because he “couldn’t resist an overbite.”
On the other hand, my father, when he was nearing 100 and no longer as “thrifty” (A-hem) as he once was, confessed that he was sorry that he hadn’t sprung for braces for me, as he had for my brother, whose teeth were even more protruding—and crooked. It’s a biting question indeed, but I reassured Dear Old Dad that my teeth had never held me back from acquiring jobs, boyfriends, husbands and all manner of mischief (for the sake of everyone’s health, I didn’t go into details).
My new motto is:
“Give me your tired veneers, your bleaches, your binding braces yearning to be free. . .”
Okay, it’s not really my new motto, but one of the most most beautiful women who ever lived had an overbite—and had no cosmetic dental work. Gene Tierney! (Star of the movie classic, Laura.)
Although I would never compare myself to that gorgeous female, I do have something in common with both her and Aimee Lou Wood: perfectly imperfect teeth.
So used am I (and so are you) to seeing actors with dazzling teeth that at first I thought Miss Wood was wearing a prosthesis of some sort, and when another character says “I love your teeth,” I thought she was being incredibly sarcastic. But no. She meant it, adding, “You’re from England, right?”
Hmm, I wish I could think of the rock star was who said that when on tour, scarcely aware of what stadium, much less planet, he was on, he knew it was England when he saw the sea of less-than pearly whites smiling up at him. We blamed the Brit’s love for sugar for their bad bites, but were they really that bad— or had we gotten too damned fussy about the state of our canines and incisors here in the good old US of A?
Miss Wood was adorable (and did some fine acting) in The White Lotus, a delightful counter balance to the other actors with “straight, evenly spaced teeth, having been apparently willed into submission by orthodontics or cosmetic modification.” (NYT). She did, however, take umbrage at her portrayal in “The White Potus” sketch on SNL, and honestly, though the bit had more than a little bite to it, it should have gone easier on the actress, who has become something of a heroine to anyone who is less than perfect in any way. Personally, I am rooting for her all the way.
A few times during my checkered career of a life, I considered getting braces, even into my thirties. But hell, they hurt, they are expensive, and they would involve a lot of time in the office of an orthodontist, besotted or not. Besides, they wouldn’t have made me into the woman I am today. Imperfect. Incorrigible. Quirky. And smiling all the way.
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BTW: This story also appearS in Woman Around Town under Opinions
Besides Holy Molars . . .this online publication has lots of interesting articles. New Yorkers will especially appreciate the play and restaurant reviews. Check it out!
https://www.womanaroundtown.com/
6 years of expensive orthodontic work (thanks Mom and Dad) and I still have an overbite and a wonky front tooth! My dentist says don’t change a thing when I complain. Cookie cutter teeth are boring. Thanks for the inspiring words!
Yes, boring is boring! Miss Woods, who didn’t chew up the scenery, but did a fine job of portraying her character, has touched a nerve in public opinion, whether or not that was her intention.
Her teeth were refreshing!
And minty fresh too, I’ll bet . . .
This hilarious article inspired a smile broad enough
to display my own imperfect, but quite useful, teeth!
Glad you enjoyed it, charming choppers and all!
A return to imperfection is just fine by me! Like the great song says..”When you smiling, when you laughing..the Whole World smiles with YOU!”
And when you are around people who smile.. does anyone notice imperfections or do we all just let our self consciousness go and become part of a whole?
Laughter is contagious,imperfection is not but perhaps the former transitions the latter into a healthy and honest acceptance of our need to be part of a community.
And as long as there is a Pat to bring humor and irony into the circle… give me hook noses, warts ladies and pimple skin! I am IN!
Thanks, Silvia, for noticing not only the humor but the irony in the blog. And I agree that “when you’re smiling,” however imperfectly, you bring joy to the world. That’s our job! But do we have to go as far as hook noses, warts AND pimply skin?
A little imperfection goes a long way, I think. Look at our cover girl, Aimee Lee Wood. She’s really cute even with those teeth, but she’s no crone!
Do you think Ma Kettle with her missing front teeth will now be considered cute? Not if you’re a dentist.
This is so funny! My parents were named Joseph and Josephine (Jo and Joe to the world) and I used to say they were the suburban version of Ma and Pa Kettle. No gap teeth or funky clothes— and good teeth— but they were like two peas in a pod.
As for gap teeth, think of Lauren Hutton, David Letterman, Madonna even! And Alfala was pretty damned cute too. But then again, I am not a dentist!
Thanks for the comment, Ellen.
So refreshing to know that someone is not obsessed with the futile pursuit of imagined perfection.
Especially when that someone is more than adequatelyattractive, and a really good writer.
Wasn’t expecting those last few words. Thanks!!