The Monday Morning Quarterback I can’t believe I watched the whole thing! But apparently I missed most of what everybody’s talking about today. It was Super Bowl Sunday and I  plunked down in front of a flat screen TV for 4 hours, but I only found out what really happened by listening to the media on Monday. Even before the kickoff, I was lost. As...

Yes, you heard that right: the economy is about to improve. How do I know ? Because I just bought a ridiculously expensive pair of boots on line. They are black. I have six pairs of black boots already (although not the six pictured here). I ordered them anyway. Why? Not because I like to shop. I don’t. It’s because it’s that time of year when...

Tear up your TO DO list right now —and replace it with a                    DO-NOT-DO List. No really. It’s important for your mental health. In Get Him To The Greek, Russell Brand says that the great thing about doing drugs is that you only have one thing on your TO...

Yeah, right. And all the agents are “busy helping other customers?”  I bet. But hang on! They’ll get back to me “as soon as possible” — which isn’t, I suppose, an outright lie: “possible,” in this sense, means whenever they get good and ready. The worst lie, of course, is: “We’ll be with you...

Even though I didn’t DO Christmas, I GOT Christmas. “Got”— besides appreciating the spirit and joy of the season and all that —in the sense that I received actual gifts, including a trip to the Caribbean and a moose. A moose? Perhaps I should explain. Once upon a time, when the children in my life were little buggers, I gave them these cuddly...

Due to circumstances truly beyond my control, I have started a new tradition for Christmas: I’m not doing it. Not that I won’t enjoy the eggnog, other people’s Christmas cards, trees, wreaths, colored lights — and, especially, partridges in pear trees: Do you have any idea how much those birds will set you back these days, even if you skip the...