Wow ‘Em With Your Wedding

And put some magic in your marriage. . .

Co-Written with Guest Blogger, Gary Poole

First the confession:

Gary has no more right than I do (a phrase I’ve said more times than I’m willing to admit) to give anyone advice on marriage. Between us, we have an impressive number (none of your business) of marriages, and all but the current ones ended in divorce.

On the other hand. . . when has lack of experience (or too much of it) ever stopped either Gary or me from saying what we think? Besides, both of our current and hopefully last marriages have been happy for a long time, so get off our respective cases and listen to this excerpt from Gary’s book, The Mystic Voyager.

It’s about a shy and mysterious being from another planet who wasn’t able to talk to Earthlings until he met Gary’s alter ego, Alvin Burns (a name that sounds suspiciously like Woody’s Allen’s Alvie Singer in Annie Hall, but if you’re going to steal, steal from the best I always say), whereupon he begins imparting all sorts of wisdom, from advice on sex to why you should become addicted to cottage cheese.

The stranger is named Tong Tye (Get it? He’s shy? Tong Tye? Oh never mind.)

Whatever his name is, I really like his theory about how to lower the divorce rates— without resorting to the extreme measure of no one ever getting married in the first place. This advice could only save a lot of marriages, but drastically reduce the number of boring weddings you’d have to sit through . . .

Tong Tye says, “As far as divorce goes, I think there would be a lot less of them if marriages were not performed by priests, ministers, rabbis or any other religious figures.”

Allan (AKA: Gary Poole, shown at right) replies, “Then who would marry them? A Justice of the Peace? The County Clerk?”

TT: “Magicians! He shouted. “Magicians are much more impressive than any officials.”

A: You’re putting me on.

TT “No, I’m serious. Don’t you think that if you and your bride stood before a magician on a dark stage with only a pin spot of light on you in full view of an audience and he waved his magic wand and said ‘I now pronounce you husband and wife’ and POOF! There was an explosion, a cloud of smoke, and you were married—wouldn’t you be more inclined to stay married?

A:” I suppose so,” I said, weakly. “I’d be afraid if we wanted a divorce, he’d come back and saw us in half.”

TT: “Now that’s what I call a trial separation,” he smiled. “But the truth is, the only thing that should keep people together should be the wanting to be together.”

“Fair enough,” says Allan.

PF: Fair, smair! I like the POOF part.

Substituting magic for ministers, rabbits for rabbis, clerks for clouds of smoke:
This idea just might work.

And talk about a theme wedding!
I’ve heard that they’re all the rage these days, and that brides (and even grooms, poor dears) are opting for something original rather than something super expensive.

I humbly submit that I was ahead of the curve with my own wedding five years ago, which featured parody songs about the bride, groom, and many of the guests, performed for the astonished assembled masses accompanied by a world-class pianist.

Check out the story.
Wedding Bell Blues

Mystic Vogager is coming soon to a Kindle near you!