The Royal Blogger Tells All

Did you notice something “off” about the Royal Wedding ?

No, not your TV set. That baby was on.

Certainly not the royal newlyweds! Not even the most cold-hearted person in the kingdom (any kingdom) could fail to notice that if these two were any more “on,” they’d need, immediately, a room not merely a chapel.

Nor am I referring to Oprah (the woman who would be Queen, er, President), whose stylist, nevertheless, should be shot.

No, it was none of that. It was  . . . Kate Middleton!

This woman, who is so perfect she cannot be real, who popped out an heir, a spare, and another for good measure — the last one in 12 hours from entering the hospital to leaving it, looking fabulous both in and out — did not seem happy.

Okay, okay, don’t get your knickers in a knot. I realize that to focus on one little aspect of this wonderfully romantic day (Was there a dry eye on the couch?) could be called uncharitable at best. Or, god forfend, bitter!

I’m not, honest. Just observant. And I’m here to share my insights with you. You’ll thank me for it later. Or not. I have no control over your manners or morals.

But first, the good news.

A gorgeous hat, outfit, and husband were worn by Ahmal Clooney, who got the look and the guy exactly right. Did you notice the hint of yellow in his tie to coordinate with her outfit? They both looked “smashing,” as the Brits would say. Hint: Do as they say, not as they do.

Most of those huge chapeaus and tiny little”fascinators?” Horrible. Just horrible. Please pronounce this in the French manner: oh-REE-buh-lay. Because let’s face it, the French have style, the Brits have . . . tradition.

But back to Kate. She does have style and she looked beautiful, as always, although she  appeared to be wearing white, a huge no-no on this side of the pond anyway—or was the color on myTV off? Whatever. Social media says it was yellow. A very, very pale yellow, although it sure looked white to moi. The point is that she herself seemed a wee bit “green” with envy, especially during the ceremony.  Feeling, perhaps, a tad perturbed that the spotlight was about to move from her pristine perfection to absolute fascination with the new princess, exotic enough to thrill the public but still able to pass royal muster with the queen. Or so we’re told.

Harry, as us his wont from the time he was a wee “cheeky” lad, broke all the rules choosing his princess. The British public is just wild about Harry—and Meghan. Kate The Perfect Princess may get to be Kate the Perfect Queen some day, but meanwhile, Meghan is the princess every little girl dreams of becoming. She has also been made the Duchess of Something or Other, whatever meaningless title the Queen has, in her wisdom, bestowed upon the latest addition to her royal menagerie.

All this could be a little discouraging even to Ms. Middleton. She was not amused.

Oh well, on the plus side, we have what looks to be true love. That “look” could keep a girl happily ever after, or at least for a long, long time. As for the negative, we merely had horrendous hats, questionable couture, and a minister who went on, lawd amighty, longer than the bride’s train.

On balance, it’s all good. Hey! It had us singing, “Goin’ to the chapel, and we’re gonna get mah..ah..ah..ried. . . Goin’ to the chapel of Love.”

And! It took our minds off, for one bright shining telecast, the state of our own Royal __________(fill in the blank), and that’s a good thing.

Oh! And BTW, whaddya think of the gown?