How To Succeed At Facebook

Facebook Without Really Trying?

 
I am not a Facebook kind of gal.

My friend Susan says that’s a good thing, but what does she know. Besides, I have a book I should be promoting and Facebook, they tell me, is the place to do it.

Okay, call me crazy, but a site where hehehehaha is considered a witty response is not exactly catnip to a person who loves words, and considering that cats themselves seem to be the single common denominator in the world of social media, I have another problem. No cat.

So when I titled this post “How to Succeed At Facebook,” I wasn’t planning to teach you that, I was looking for advice.

I write a pithy little post on Facebook and get a dozen or so comments, which makes me happy until I see that the post under mine, about a cat’s digestive problems, gets 57 hits in 3 seconds. I’m exaggerating. Or not. Susan suggests that I get a cat and post its every movement. Literally. And I had a couple of cats once, in another life, so I know my way around kitty litter.

But honestly, does anyone have a suggestion on how to publicize my book on Facebook?

It’s a good book, honest, although I must admit it has nothing to do with cats, unless you count the story about the Pussy Cat Lounge, which is really stretching it, so to speak.

About the “Without Really Trying” part: Actually, I’m willing to try anything, short of actually getting a cat (it turns out that I’m allergic), although if push comes to shove, I could make up one . . .

Fluffy would be her name, and she’d be soft and, well, you know, fluffy. And she’d do all these cute and adorable things kittycats do, except when certain people visited. Then she get her back up, literally, and have actual hissy fits. And I’d know: that person was trouble.

I would read my book aloud for Fluffy, and she’d purr in all the good places. And when she’d fall asleep, even a little cat nap, I’d know I should have edited that part. Next book, I’ll have her read the proofs.

Wait a minute: I could write a book about the cat . . .

Or a whole series of books. The Fluffy Files. The Fluffy Chronicles. The Fluffy Cat Project. Fifty Things Shades of Fluff. Fifty Things You Need to Know About Fluffy (or Fluffy Things You Need to Know About Fifty). Fluffy Unplugged. Fluffy Gone Wild. Fluffy Rules. Fluffy Gets An iPhone (Have I gone too far?).

Then I could go on Facebook every hour of every day, with some cute cat photo from an image bank or little anecdote about my imaginary furry feline friend, and that would surely qualify as “Without Really Trying.” Hey, it just might work. Of course, Fluffy would grow up and eventually I’d lose her. You can’t replace a pet, not really, but you have to, you know, go on, and oh, I can’t bear to think of the emotional havoc this would wreak.

But meanwhile . . . I already have a book, conveniently titled, I Can’t Believe I’m Not Bitter, to push. And I need help.

So far, the best suggestion I’ve gotten is to have friends write mini-reviews on Facebook.
That way, others would be saying all the good things about the book, not me. And I wouldn’t have to post all the time.

Problem is, no matter how many friends I have, and how many of them are actually on Facebook, and how many of those would write reviews, mini or not, this would only go so far. There would come a time when I’d have to start writing the posts myself, and as I’ve said: I’m not really a Facebook kind of gal.

Although I may have to become one. Fast. They do say I’m funny. hehehehaha.

READERS! HELP! I NEED SUGGESTIONS!