EXCUSES! EXCUSES!

Actual Sent Email:
Sorry I didn’t answer your call, but I was out getting drunk with Diana.
We also did some shopping.

Reply:
Next time, can I come?
We can skip the shopping part.

See? I told the truth instead of making up some lame excuse — and it worked.

Think of how this could uncomplicate your life.
Or complicate it beyond repair.

Excuses You Might Consider. . .

“I would have gotten back to you sooner, but I had no idea what to say about your sex change operation. I still don’t. I hope that “Good luck” covers it. Whatever “it” is with you these days.”

“I won’t be coming to your party because the last time I got food poisoning. Actually, we all did, so I know it wasn’t just me.”

“Please forgive me for missing your son’s high school  graduation but if I had to sit through one more boring speech (in the sun!) I would have gone Postal. Isn’t it better if I just send you some money?”

“Really sorry (I mean it) that I missed your birthday:

I heard there were some really awesome cupcakes!

And I do think that admitting your age is brave of you, considering.”

There are some excuses you should NEVER use. . .

“I have a cold/headache/stomach ache/severe flatulence.”
Or any other kind of affliction.

The Excuse Gods will get you for this, and you will develop the very illness you are fabricating. You could end up in bed. With a cold. Or worse.

On the other hand, 

There are plenty of other excuses at your disposal:

“Have to cancel Friday because I got a much better offer.
So better.”

If only . . .

More realistically:

“I won’t be coming to dinner on Saturday because I just saw you last weekend, and honestly that’s enough for now. Maybe in the summer, or early 2012.”

“I can’t attend your child’s piano recital because I am a music lover.”

“I’m leaving this message on your machine because having an actual conversation is out of the question. Even this is excruciating.”

Aren’t you tired of saying that my cell just lost power?

Does anyone actually believe that any more?

So how about this:

“I don’t have an unlimited call plan, so is this really important?”

And my favorite excuse of all:

“I’m not answering any texts, emails, or calls today because I’m out getting drunk with Diana.”

Cheers!

So What’s Your Excuse?

LIFE IS STRANGE . . .

Hours after I posted this last Monday, I got the terrible news that my dad had passed away, and I rushed out without sending out emails.
Naturally, I haven’t written  a new post since then.
Seriously, this has got to be the best/worst excuse in the world, and it’s ironic that I had just written about excuses. 
But Dad was 99, died peacefully, and always had a great sense of humor:
He called the crypt at the cemetery His Last Condominium In The Sky.
And as many of you have mentioned, we all do need a laugh at a time like this, so I will be continuing with the blog as soon as I can.

Here’s Dad giving the toast at my wedding three years ago.
And Diana was right behind him!