Bad Dating Situations

The warning signs of a Bad Dating Situation (or BADS) are like the clues in a cheesy detective story: obvious to everyone but the victim.

Let’s face it, this guy is wrong for you, probably for the planet as a whole, but you, my sweet, are in total denial. If this were a song parody, it’d go something like, “You’ve got the BADS and that ain’t good. . .”

BADS from my own checkered past include the boyfriend who neither the bartender at my favorite place nor the owner of my favorite restaurant liked. These people know people. They asked me pointed questions about the guy which I dodged, fudged, evaded, and generally ignored. Not smart.

This so-called boyfriend, who turned out to be married (which he only admitted after I got suspicious when he could never see me on weekends), swore that his marriage was for all intents and purposes over, and that he was only living in the same house with his wife because of the children. Any of this sound familiar?
One night, when we were sitting at one of those cosy little tables in the corner, he literally leaped out of his seat when he saw someone he knew from his other life enter the restaurant.
I should have leaped, too, and run, not walked, to the nearest exit. Period, end of story. Which was one of his favorite expressions. But I didn’t. And all I’ll say about the rest of the story is that it did not have a happy ending . . .

And Speaking of Marriage. . .

My dumbest handling of The BADS was when I bought some very expensive skis for one son of a bitch, and he went off on a ski trip – without me! Over the Christmas holidays! And get this: not only did I not immediately choose one of the 50 ways Paul Simon has given me to leave my lover, I  married him. Guess how that turned out.

Oh well, I can’t be too hard on myself. “When your heart’s on fire,” as that other song goes, “smoke gets in your eyes.” Does it ever.

We don’t have to talk about some of the more totally obvious signs of The BADS-as if running out of a restaurant or taking off with the skis aren’t obvious – do we? I mean, if all your friends hate him, if he insults you or puts you down, or god forbid, he gets violent, there’s nothing much more I can say. But some signs are a bit more subtle, or slower in coming.

In Sickness and In Health . . .

 After several years of dating, my friend went on a cruise with her boyfriend, who everybody thought was a really nice guy But when she got violently ill on the ship, he expected her to join him for dinner every night, even though she couldn’t eat, and to go on tours when the ship docked at all those scenic ports, even though she could hardly get out of bed. Then he got angry with her for falling asleep on the bus. Uh oh. I smell a BADS developing here.

Surprise! Surprise! My friend has a new boyfriend now. Let’s hope he knows how to take care of a girl when she’s under the weather, which she rarely is, by the way.

And in a related incident that took place a number of years ago, my boyfriend at the time wouldn’t come over to take care of me (or even see me) when I had the flu. Although he was a bit on the hypochondriacal side, he was young, he was healthy, and I didn’t have leprosy! But he wouldn’t come to my bedside until I got better, and as Dr. Phil would undoubtedly agree, this was not a good indication of a . . . healthy relationship. I don’t usually use the word “pussy” unless I’m referring to a baby feline or an infamous strip joint (see below), but that was the word that came to mind. Period. End of story.

On a lighter note

In Jamaica, where they don’t have much use for skis, it’s said that you should never give your boyfriend shoes, or he will walk out on you. So I guess that if you ask your guy what he wants for his birthday, and he mentions the words Nike or Puma, you’re in trouble.

And on a brighter note: If you’d like to hear about some positive omens in of dating, check out My Night at the Pussy Cat Lounge.

In spite of everything, sometimes things actually do work out. 

 
Okay, girls, I want to hear about your BADS!

It will make us all feel better to know we’re not alone in this.