DROP PHONE IN TOILET This was not at the top of my To Do List.But shit happens. Sometimes all too literally. So what’s a girl to do?First, you scream at the toilet. Which, I know you’re wondering about, but will now have entirely TMI, was not empty.Then, number two, you should pardon the expression, you dig down deep, not just into the bowl but into your soul.You...

Ah, the lies we tell ourselves.That teeny bowl of pistachio ice cream won’t wreck our diet.The guy/gal who didn’t call back after that great date: he must have died. We will clean out the storage unit that’s costing 200 hard earned bucks a month. Next month.And then there’s the biggest whopper of all: that the very rich are unhappy, because, as we’ve been told...

When Did Everything Change? Some say it was the Vietnam War, when we stopped believing a single word our government said, including “and” and “the.” Maybe it was when we started calling love affairs “relationships,” thereby sanitizing the romance right out of our sex lives. Or was it the rise of political correctness, when suddenly absolutely anything you said about...

No, this is not about your former marriages, your futile attempts to become a grand master of chess, or that souffle that fell flat. It’s an actual museum about . . . failures. Called, with Scandinavian clarity, The Museum of Failures, and it’s here in New York City for a limited time.As per its website, the museum is a collection of famous, infamous, and...

An Open Letter to Eric Adams Dear Mr. Mayor:I have a quick and easy way to make you a really popular mayor—and  a hero to citizens citywide who fear for their lives:Make me the Official Commissioner Of Bicycle Safety Enforcement. . . AKA: THE BIKE BITCH.You see, your honor, I live on East 22nd Street, and I’m mad as hell about cyclists speeding, going the wrong way,...