A Chocolate Lover’s List To Live By

Ain’t email grand? 

The words of wisdom that appeared in my inbox today were written by Regina Brett, a columnist for the Cleveland Plain Dealer who’s a mere 90 years old. (The italics below are mine.) 
If you’re in a hurry, go directly to #10. It sums it all up.

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s good.

Or as that great philosopher Mae West once said, “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
But watch out for the dog shit.

3. Life is too short – enjoy it.
Life Is Short is the very apt title of Mickey Rooney’s autobiography (may he rest in peace). I’m thinking of writing one myself, and I’ll call it, Life Is Short And So Am I.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick.  
Your friends and family will.
Too true. But ya gotta take care of them too.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
Yes! This blogger HATES paying interest to those bloodsuckers. It’s like throwing money away. And there are SO many better ways to throw away money.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.
I get the first sentence. I get the second. Just don’t see how they go together. Help, anyone?

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
Okay, but be sure to invest in some waterproof mascara first.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
He? Not She? The jury is out on this one.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
Now you tell me!

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
Any questions?

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
Past? I don’t remember making any mistakes, do you? Of course, I don’t remember what I had for breakfast.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
Or anyone else. Although I am still embarassed by the time I broke down in sobs in the dentist chair. Not because of the upcoming root canal, although god knows, that can unnerve a person, but because my dear friend had just died and I hadn’t really cried yet.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. And never be envious, the green-eyed monster will really mess you up.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
We’ve all done it, so don’t be too hard on yourself, but yes, if you can’t shout it from the rooftops, or at least giggle about it with your best friend, run, don’t walk away from this person.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye, but don’t worry, God never blinks.
I don’t get this one at all. Please explain.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
Ahhhh, yes.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways. 
This includes people.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
No pain, no gain? Unfortunately, this is all too true.

19. It’s never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.
I do believe that I, and no one else, can make me happy. On the other hand, if George Clooney called . . .

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
Yo, Houston! Failure is not an option

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
I hate it when they go gaga on Antiques Roadshow that something has “never been out of the box.” Great, so it’s worth more money. And no one has ever enjoyed it! Sheesh. What a world.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
Yup. Make the list, check it twice, then remember that anything that can go wrong almost certainly will . . .

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
Purple isn’t my color, but I get the point.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
Whose? Mine or his? Does it matter?

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
See #19.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words “In five years, will this matter?”
This one doesn’t always work for me.  I usually think, “This too shall pass,” and it always does.

27. Always choose life.
Like there’s a another choice?

28. Forgive
So easy to say, so hard to do. Like going to the gym or giving up Mallomars.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
Let’s face it, most people spend very little time thinking about you anyway.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
Or, as Teresa, my inimitable cleaning person, used to say: 
Time is good doctor.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
But what if it changes for the . . . oh never mind, this is supposed to be uplifting.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
See #29.

33. Believe in miracles.
Even if you don’t believe in God.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
Well, somebody loves you, hopefully including yourself. Dr. Phil would call it self esteem, and who are we to argue with Dr. Phil?

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
Showing up, as Woody Allen has explained to us, is 80% of life. I do have the sneaking feeling that the other 20% is the really hard part, but ya gotta start somewhere.

36. Growing old beats the alternative.
Ask me in about 30 years.

37. Your children get only one childhood.
But isn’t it about time for them to grow up?

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
True, and that counts everything: your pets, your work, your garden, whatever. Unless you love dwarf tossing or anything else you saw in The Wolf of Wall Street.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
Amazing the things you learn when you pull yourself away from your computer.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
See #13.

41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you need
See Above.

42. The best is yet to come…
I hope so!

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up.
Yes! Dress up! Ignore the fact that the style of the moment is to look positively dreadful. Put on something nice and screw the fashion police. You’ll feel much better.

44. Yield.
Also, surrender. You have so little control over anything, so admitting this is very liberating.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.
So? You need a bow?

That’s a long list, but like I said, if you “digest” the one about chocolate, you’ll be okay.
Let me know if you’d like to add, delete, or explain any of it to me.